How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
