we have officially lost it.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We have so much sex to catch up on
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
