this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Are my feet made of real feet?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
