But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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