omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
