Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
