Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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