I haven't been this sober since birth.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
