My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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