My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
