You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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