So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
