I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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