Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
