Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
