Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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