Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
