she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
