tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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