Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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