Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
