you guys were way drunker than both of me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
