There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
