on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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