Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
