I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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