Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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