Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
