duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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