after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
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Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
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He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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