I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
