My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
