u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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