So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
