my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
