Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
