man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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