This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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