well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
