I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This is the high leading the old right now
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize