He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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