Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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