Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
