i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
