okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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