I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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