Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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