dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
