im about as happy as oj after his trial
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
