all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
