Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
