Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
