I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
