just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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