Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
