no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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