At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
