I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
