Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
