google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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