Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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