That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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