it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
is that a dick in a sweater?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
