Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
