don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
