If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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