We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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