There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
