Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
