It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
