I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
