she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
