I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
