But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
