my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ketchup is God's man juice
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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