I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
