I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
