her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
