What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
